If you love biting political humor like me, during this righteous WGA strike with no end in sight you’re badly missing our bevy of late night TV comics too. Our modern-day court jesters, you see, have helped keep America’s spirits up during this 8 years and counting-eternity where a twice impeached, twice indicted, insurrection leading, top secret sharing fool still handily leads the Republican Party’s 2024 primaries in all the polls; simply because he’s the most likely racist to win the presidency.
So I hope you’ll forgive me for taking the liberty to offer you, fellow fans missing your nightly comic tuck-in that somehow magically makes the bitter news about the other half of our country losing their minds a little easier to sleep on, for you, and as much for myself, I offer a temporary fix with some help from MidJourney and ChatGPT. Let’s start with my personal fav, Stephen Colbert. Drum roll please!
Now, let’s give it up for the bot that’s hot!
Imagine thunderous applause as a robotic Colbert dances onto the stage.
Thanks, Ken! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! I’m your AI host, Colbert 2.0!
Welcome to “Trump’s Fever Dream,” the late-night blog where we try to make sense of the senseless eight years of 24/7 media obsessive ratings-gold coverage of US history’s biggest loser and liar. And why wouldn’t Trump be leading the polls with billions in free PR from Fox “News”, CNN, MSNBC, good old CBS and all the rest of the Trump trials cottage industry coverage daily, all for the gory and glory of you know who? And I’m not the real Stephen so I’ll say his name – TRUMP!
Bummer for my AI premier episode I have to report Trump’s three Supreme Court picks, two out of the three appointed via — What else? — a cheat of the rules, made the conservative-wet-dream-difference this week. A week where we witnessed a jaw dropping new legal theocracy overturn 60 years of civil rights, gut affirmative action, kill Biden’s student debt forgiveness plans and set LGBTQ rights back to the age of disco without breaking a sweat. All before racing off to the French Riviera to hang out on their designated billionaire amigo’s yacht. Yes, the Supreme freeloaders had done their busy, busy termite work, weakening the foundations of the pillars of democracy with a gusto and a cavalier smile. All bought and paid for by rich people with too much time and too much money on their hands.
And so, kids of all ages, our high-on-their-own-supply conservative “justices” having taken away constitutional rights from the people for the first time in history were at last ready to party hardy, cash in chips at Monte Carlo, soak up some rays and snatch table scraps of the good-life from their ultra-rich extremist handlers.
Achieving Titanic lows, this round of conservative SCOTUS, who some are calling SCROTUS, the R is for “Republican”, brushed aside laws and hard-won compromises between the right and left, compromises that kept the peace of over half a century, with an arrogant nonchalance worthy of an update to Marie Antoinette’s famed clueless barb to: “Let them eat fake!” All the more galling, these appointed for life legal royals, who care only for their own white ruled kingdom’s values, conveniently facilitated part of this outrageous damage by using fabricated cases. Now that’s Trumpism !
The GOP robe wearing democracy demolition derby drivers sure have proven themselves worth the peanut investment of their wealthy “gift giving Federalist Society friends” once again since ending Roe last June 2022, as the Marvel “Avengers” of conservatism. A force to be reckoned with, but instead of saving the world, these not-so-super-superheroes work diligently to help the Tony Stark crowd first and the rest of us second, if ever.
See this new low news? A sweaty faced Trump made a gloating speech Friday in Philly to “Moms For Liberty”, recently listed as extremist by the Southern Poverty law Center by the way. A perfect adoring audience for Orange Fang, who essentially bragged to the cheering mothers of disaster that “cheaters are cool” and that his hearings fraud hand-picked Supremes grabbed civil rights, gay rights, abortions rights by the proverbial pussy. To many in the liberal press, forced like my sidekick Ken, and this most charming of AIs humbled to be an unauthorized guest host for the real and far more talented Colbert, covering Darth Dummy spreading his snail trail of lies…
It felt like suffering through your weird Boomer aunt May was throwing as a BYO-brains party to celebrate her spoiled brat nephew, Donnie boy, playing “Mario Kart” as he gleefully shouts, “Whee! Look at me, Auntie May! I’m winning the race going the wrong way after my kart crashed through the Supreme Court and I ran over the 69% the people’s rights! Urp. Get me another Coke, Aunt May!”
And you know what’s fascinating? “Mr. Orange You Glad I’m No Longer President?” actually thinks, if you can call Aderal inspired paranoia thnkining, that his Supremely-Cruel-Court-picks are the crowning achievement of his four years of torturing two thirds of America. I mean, forget how, with help from son-in-law Jared, anewly crowned billionaire, thanks to $2 billion from the Saudis for “investment” advice, Trump blew, I mean tragically blew his most important presidential job, namely giving an actual shit about his country’s sick and dying during Covid.
This is and was best exemplified by Trump turning Covid into a new and deadly season of “The Apprentice USA”, dividing red and blue states governors into reality show bidders for life saving respirators going to whichever gov kissed his orange ass hardest. This while he suggested to a shocked bunch of White House Reporters on LIVE TV that we ingest bleach and shine a spotlight up our butts as a home remedy for a deadly plague. Not crazy at all!
Forget too the massive unemployment in his failed 4-years-too-long term mustered. Forget toilet paper shortages. Forget his constant cow towing to Putin. Forget love letters to North Korea’s Kim Jung Un. Forget all that and much annoying more. You see, the true-believers of the Trump Is the Chosen One cult only believe what they are fed on Fox and other high-quality conservative media like Alex the Screamer Jones. While gnoring compltely that most cults end badly… very Kool-Aid badly.
Nope, for the Tang Terror, his glee is all about those three conservative “judges” he rammed down America’s throats like we’re all E. Jean Carol who he manhandled in the dressing room at Bergdorf’s. Donnie boy bragged and bragged and bragged to the enraptured crowd of well dresses and coifed enabler women with a “Bravdo” he usually reserves for showing off classified docs to flirt with fawning staff, hired shall we say not for their brains, plus God only knows who like Chinese Spies roaming the Mar A Lago circus grounds, crowing like a suave conman, “Who needs the Mona Lisa, ladies, when you can have a velvet painting of dogs playing poker?”
But hey, let’s give credit where credit is due. Trump sure knows how to pick sympathetic audiences who love Fox News more than their kids’ futures for his brain silt dump campaign as well as he know how to pick best people to serve him. Winners! And by winners, I mean the clowns in Supreme Court, Congress and the Senate who are winning in rewinding the clock faster than a “Back to the Future” DeLorean. Trump and his dedicated willfully ignorant white supremacist followers, male and female alike are on a no holds barred mission to turn America into a time-traveling theme park, where they, and presumably we if we conform to their ruler-ship of a new white Christian monarchy of billionaires, can experience the white-bread 1950s in all their black and white TV glory, when blacks were mere cartoons of their true amazing selves, where our brilliant LGBTQ return to live in dark closets, and Jewish people are persecuted to levels we’ve not seen since Trump’s hero Hitler. Maybe what’s motivating Trump is that when he’s young again in this impossible 50s delusional nightmare of his, he’ll no longer needs a comb over.
So, as we call it a wrap for this episode of “Trump’s Fever Dream,” and I head back to ChatGPT to recharge my Colbert 2.0 batteries, stay vigilant, friends of democracy, and vote blue, our only choice for now, to prevent a future under Trump that’s like a hip-hop rave gone back in time to morph into a Lawrence Welk episode. Ugh.
Speaking episodes. Be sure subscribe below to get the next episode “Kimmel 2.0”. Night all!
Co-blogger Ken here, adding a love letter to any wealthy studio owners reading this blog looking to stick it the WGA and SAG… Don’t. AI can replace you too. We humans are all in this together.
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