Category: Trump’s Fever Dream

Mar-A-Lago-Prison

On By Ken SheetzIn Trump's Fever Dream1 Comment

Season 3: Episode 1

Hey, It’s Ken Sheetz here with a reading of “Trump’s Fever Dream.” This episode. Episode 1 of Season 3 is titled #MarALagoPrison.

Sweat-soaked, Donald J Trump bolts awake from yet another fever dream that plague him frequently since he caught Covid in April 1, 2020. Six months before the Trump of our parallel reality did. Trump rubs his leathery freckled neck and says in relief, sinking back into his pillow, “Wow. Rebel General Michelle Obama hung me from her yacht’s yardarm to get my nuclear secrets. Too real. That black bitch must really want to kill me!”

Drowsy in the super-king bed poster bed beside him, gorgeously lit by the Florida sun, Melania groans, “You’re no visionary, Donald. Terrible nightmares you deserve for selling nuclear secrets to Putin.”

Trump grumps, “Mine to sell!”

Furious, Trump swings his puffy feet from the bed and shuffles for the ornate bathroom, oblivious to a new razor wire fence furiously under construction just past the swaying palm trees outside his soundproof Mar-A-Lago bedroom windows.

Donald sleepily pulls down his red silk pajama and plops down upon his gold-plated toilet. He picks up his cell phone and begins to one-finger-type a Truth Social Post “We Won!” when the phone in his tiny hands rings loudly. Almost jumping out of his orange skin, Trump sees the photo ID of his Black body man Robert Tulsa, the Walt Nauta of this alternate reality one timeline away. Trump groggily answers the call on speaker, “Yeah?”

“Boss, seen the razor wire?!” says a worried Robert.

“Razor what?”

“Look out your window!”

“Mind I finish my morning dump first? Tell me!”

“Army Corp of Engineers is here! And, and…”

“And what? Spit it out, Robert!”

“There’s over a hundred guys buildin’ a 15 foot high fence ’round Mar-A-Lago!”

Bare-assed, Trump hops off the gold toilet and struggles to get up on his tiptoes to peer out the high bathroom window. His orange puss goes pale as he sees a prefab guard tower getting lifted into place by a Black Army Corp Of Engineers worker, operating a noisy portable crane.

Trump bellows in rage, startling the sleeping Melania into an accompanying scream. She gasps, “Donald, you scare me half to death!”

Donald angrily motions the naked Melania to the bedroom window. “Look! Look, Melania! They’re turning my beautiful Mar-A-Lago into an Auschwitz!”

Melania drolly pulls on a robe and gazes out the window calmly offering, “Huh. Surprised it’s taken the stupid Democrats this long to lock you up.”

“Would it fucking kill you to be supportive for once?!” shouts Trump as he storms from the bedroom.

Melania sobs after him, “God knows I’ve tried! But you always make mess of everything! Now I am prisoner stuck with you in this run down mausoleum! How will I shop? Fucking Amazon?”

Dozens of half dressed Mar-A-Lago guests and low ranking MAGA politicos in party hats, march slowly for the front gate, suitcases in tow past grim armed FBI Agents. An angry tall bearded guest, dressed only in polka dot boxers, turns to his dazed wife. “Donnie musta lost his case.”

His wife chuckles and says, “Ha! Which case?” Her angry laughter at her own joke is cut short as a white terry cloth robe wearing Trump races past for the front gate to the “oohs” of the guest crowd.

“Rogers! shouts Trump to the turned back of a tall muscular blonde-haired Secret Service agent.

Special Agent Rogers, a hip thirty-something, spins to Trump from a conversation he’s having with a young Hispanic Army Corps of Engineers supervisor. Rogers smiles sheepishly and brightly offers, “President Trump, I’m sure you are wondering –“

“I fucking won the 2024 election last night! This anyway to treat the new President Elect?”

“But you lost your J6 case same day, sir.” says Agent Rogers sheepishly.

“That Black bitch judge had it in for me! She and that smug Jew Smith can’t turn my beautiful Mar-A-Lago into a fucking concentration camp!”

“Sir, a little fencing helps my guys do our job. A lot of angry voters want you, um ah, gone,” offers Agent Rogers.

Before Trump can retort the Army Corps of Engineering supervisor shoves a cell phone between Agent Rogers and Trump and says, “President Biden for you on Zoom, sir.”

Joe Biden grins from the cell phone at Trump, “Mornin’, Don. Sorry for the short notice on the Secret Service protection we’re putting up for you. All on the taxpayer’s dime I might add.”

Trump shouts, his face beat red, “Protection?! That what you call razor wire top of ugly as fuck chain-link fences and kicking out all my election win celebration guests?”

“Little early to party when I’ve not conceded don’t you think, Donald?” says Joe sweet as pie, while Trump’s valet in this reality, Robert, runs up to the trio out of breath, senses the tense vibe and instantly wishes he’d stayed in the mansion.

“You senile old son of a bitch! I beat you fair and square in the record landslide!” roars Trump.

“Ah. My three years younger and way outta shape, fellow senior citizen, you overreached, like always, faking up a landslide. Ha. A landslide when my administration has restored law and order to this country and we have a roaring economy to boot. I’m not joking around here.”

“Hurts when the foot is on the other shoe, Joe?”

Robert timidly offers, “I think you mean the shoe is on the other foot, boss.”

“Shut the fuck up, Robert. You heard me wrong! Get your Black ears cleaned!” bellows Trump in Robert’s sweet face, forgetting Biden.

“Record reports of election fraud. Real fraud this time we can prove in court, Donny boy,” says Biden calmly on the phone in the shaky hand of the Army construction supervisor.

“Donny boy? Call me President-Elect Trump you Catholic son of bitch!” says Trump snatching the phone to his face.

“Don, the best you’ll get from me is the former guy,” says Biden, leaning closer in the phone’s view screen. “I don’t know how your buddy Putin hacked our voting machines, but my DOJ is gonna find out one way or another before January 20th.”

“You mean January 6th, 2025, don’t ya?”

“Zip it. I don’t have any more time for your lies and threats, Donny boy. I’m still unquestionably our president for at least the next 11 weeks and dealing with the riots of millions of people in a dozen cities of every race, color and creed. Good American voters Dem and Rep alike who believe their vote was stolen in your Russkie rigged 2024 election!”

“You can’t do this to me!” shouts Trump, snatching the phone to his face, garnering rubbernecking from the exiting Mar-A-Lago guests pouring into waiting buses.

“How’s it feel to not get a concession from your opponent, wise guy?” laughs Biden.

“I’ll see you and your boy Hunter swinging from General Michelle Obama’s yacht yardarm!” shouts Trump.

“What in hell are you bringing Michelle into this for?” puzzles Biden.

“Ha! I know you take your marching orders from the mastermind Obamas!” shouts Trump, a bit unsure of himself for bringing his bad dream into all this.

“Lunatic! The fence is for your protection until you finish your appeals for the J6 conviction and/or we clear up your 2024 election shenanigans!” says Biden as he grins while ending the call.

Trump smashes the phone at the Army’s Corp of Engineer supervisor’s feet.

Robert scratches his head and cautiously asks Trump, “What next, sir?”

“Coffee. I need a fucking coffee.”

The line of exiting party goers weakly applaud Trump as he storms past them. Behind Trump’s back Robert encourages the small crowd to applaud louder… but they don’t.

“March off to your busses, sheeple! I hope the Feds drag all of you off to prison to be shot!” Trump paces off for the main compound, a shaken Agent Rogers and Robert Tulsa close behind.

A man shouts from the gaggle of guests, “I love you President Trump!”

A half dressed Ted Cruz steps in front of Trump, “Mind if I join you for a cup of Java, sir?”

Pleased Cruz is still on the Mar-A-Lago property for scheming Trump motions Cruz to follow.

Special Agent Rogers whispers into his wrist communicator, “The Fox is in the hen house. Repeat. The Fox is in the hen house.” Rogers nods hearing the response in his earpiece and follows Trump for the entrance to the main building of what is already hashtagged #MarALagoPrison by the ravenous press building at the gates past the Secret Service guards.

The press shout a thousand questions, but one voice stands out that makes Trump flinch, “Mr. Trump what do you think about Michael Pence saying, ‘You’re a fucker?'”

TO BE CONTINUED:

Getting serious for a moment, MAR-A-LAGO-PRISON is of course a work of satirical fiction, like all Trumps Fever Dream posting, based on an alternate quantum universe. It’s, of course, not meant to be a reflection of the real life Donald Trump or the people associated with him or any other people in the real world or his politics or property.

And a special thanks to my love and partner in everything Elizabeth England for her beautiful portrayal of Melania and the party guest.

And for all you wiseguys saying I don’t do a very good Donald Trump (in the audio version). That’s exactly how he sounds in the other universe.

Here’s the new podcast if you’d like to listen on your TV.

Trump Indicted For Election Fraud

On By Ken SheetzIn Trump's Fever DreamLeave a comment

Blogger Ken Sheetz here. What a time for a WGA strike! How we’d all love to hear from our beloved late night comics about Trump’s Big Indictment today after the 7 years they’ve been keeping us all sane. So as a poor subsititute using ChatGTP I am proud to present Cobert 2.0!

A android version of Colbert takes the Trump’s Fever Dream stage to the wild applause of the crowd.

Thanks, Ken! I’ll do my best Stephen homage on this historic occasion! Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your sides, because because hopefully-forever-former President Donald J. Trump is facing more charges than a shopping spree at Bed Bath & Beyond!

According to special counsel Jack Smith, Trump’s alleged master plan was to defraud the entire country he used to lead and seeks to once again. Forget about international espionage; Trump went for the big leagues—conspiring to make himself king of America! Move over, James Bond, we’ve got a new supervillain in town!

And the cherry on top of Trump’s farcical cake? He tried to overturn the legitimate results of the 2020 presidential election with a wild mix of lies and buffoonery! Who needs reality TV when you’ve got Trump and his team of clownish Machiavellis trying to rig an election? This is a three ring indictment circus!

I mean, seriously, folks, Orange-You-Glad-I’m-No-Longer-President couldn’t accept defeat, so he hatched a plan to use “dishonesty, fraud, and deceit” to obstruct the electoral vote process.

Now, this is a historic moment for our nation, and not the good kind. It’s the first time a former president is facing criminal charges for trying to mess with the very foundation of our democracy. Move over, history books, we’ve got a new chapter that’s both ridiculous and embarrassing.

Trump fans, and there are still amazingly millions of you, this is your final exit ramp announcement. Walk away from the crashed Orange clown car and rejoin the real world.

Somehow our democracy’s guardrails held up, and Joe Biden got the keys to the White House. Trump’s plan to stage the “Great Election Heist” was an epic fail like most things he does. It’s like watching Wile E. Coyote try to catch the Road Runner, but instead of anvils, he’s got a Dominon voting dropped on his head!

And the cast of characters in this political sitcom is top-notch! White House aides like the Kraken and the Borat star Giuliani and sucked in staff testifying left and right, like it’s a soap opera. “As the White House Turns” has got nothing on this!

Now, Trump’s facing not one, not two, but three criminal conspiracies! The only thing missing is a catchy theme song! Imagine him strutting into court like a peacock, claiming he’s innocent because he’s “The Art of the Deal” personified!

One of the charges is “against the right to vote and to have that vote counted.” Wow, that’s like a supervillain trying to destroy the Justice League! You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re charged with crimes against democracy.

But Trump isn’t backing down; he’s crying “witch hunt” like a kid caught stealing candy from the cookie jar. And he’s asking why they waited so long to go after him. Maybe they were just enjoying the comedic value of his post-presidential shenanigans! Maybe it was such an tangled mess it took this long this long to sort out the puzzle. But it sure as hell was not because Trump’s tiny hands are clean.

Let’s not forget the real heroes of this story—those brave law enforcement officers who defended the Capitol on January 6th. They deserve a medal for dealing with the craziness that day. People died because one man became the worst sport in American history.

Will justice be served with a side of satire? Stay tuned! I’m Colbert 2.0 in colab with Ken Sheetz for Trumps Fever Dream! Time to wake up, everybody!

Applause and laugther fades as the house lights dims. If this post enhanced gave you a little of our MIA comic relief leave a tip. Or subscribe and share my new blog to your fellow fans of politcal humor.

Colbert 2.0 – RFK Jr.s Congressional Dump

On By Ken SheetzIn Trump's Fever DreamLeave a comment

Missing your Stephen Colbert during the WGA/SAG Strike with no end in sight? Then give it up for poor robo substitute Colbert 2.0!

The audience laughs and applauds.

Thanks, Ken! Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round for another round of the “Trump’s Fever Dream” political circus of the century! It’s like “Saturday Night Live” meets “The Office” with a sprinkle of “The Twilight Zone” thrown in for good measure. Get ready to binge, cringe, and wonder if we’ve entered a parallel universe because we’re diving headfirst into Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s congressional testimony this week!

As “please don’t tell me he’s a Kennedy” strolled into the hearing congressional hearing room, I couldn’t help but imagine him back in his college days when he was a known heroin addict, ready to fight, with that voice of his that’s a cross of FDR and Katherine Hepburn, for the right to spread half baked conspiracy theories that have gotten people killed far and wide. I half-expected Booby J to break into song and dance, singing, “Conspiracies, conspiracies, let’s all have a conspiracy party! You’ll die of Covid laughing!”

The robot drummer hits a cymbal.

But wait, it gets better! According to this known black sheep of the Kennedy clan, Covid-19 is like a picky eater at a buffet, choosing its victims based on their race. I can see it now, Covid-19 with a little menu in hand, going, “Hmm, let’s see, I’ll have some Caucasians and a side of Black people, please!” It’s like a bad sitcom plot, but this time it’s real life! Well, in a mind-blowing way RFK Jr. did just awful that!

And hold on to your hats, folks, because RFK Jr, heavy on the junior, has some VIP immunity cards to hand out! Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese people are the chosen ones, apparently according to this Mad Max of a Kennedy.

I can almost hear the ghost of RFK whispering to the ghost of JFK and Teddy Kennedy about his mischievous problem child, RFK Jr., up to his conspiracy shenanigans in Congress.

RFK’s ghost can’t stop laughing as he says in fits and starts, “Jack, can you believe my college loafer Bobby J’s antics down there?!”

JFK’s ghost, with a wry smile, replys, “Well, little Bobby always had a flair for fiction! Remember that whopper he told his wife he was in Bora Bora researching malaria cures while he really was boinking his maid?”

Ted’s laughing ghost chimes in, “You should talk, Jacko1 Bet you a million golden harps Bobby never dreamed your junior would be like the X-Files meets Scooby-Doo!”

The Democratic congressional sides response to RFK Jr.’s scratchy voiced congressional nonsense? They were like parents trying to reason with a toddler who insists the moon is made of cheese. “Oh, Bobby, sweetie, bless your heart, but let’s stick to the facts, shall we?” They must have wished they had a mute button for the absurdity, or better yet a shinny red button to push to eject RFK Jr. into space where he can’t harm people with his unfounded vaccine lies.

RFK checkles, “Hey don’t drag Scooby into my son’s Covid nightmare!”

The robo band’s trumpter plays, “Wah-wah!”

Meanwhile, the Republicans, in this hearing from hell that almost made me think Bengahzi was legit, got all up in arms about that natural immunity’s part of the life-styles of the rich and stupid. It’s like they’re all of sudden the self-proclaimed “health gurus” of Congress, promoting natural remedies and essential snake oil to cure all ailments. I can see it now: “Step right up, folks, get your Ivermectin horse pills and UV lights to shine up your butt half-price!”

But the real highlight was Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz from Florida, giving Kennedy the verbal smackdown he deserved. It was like a wrestling match, with Wasserman Schultz delivering verbal body slams left and right. “Oh, you wanna talk conspiracy? Let me show you the door to reality!”

In the end, it was a political rollercoaster of epic proportions. We had conspiracy theories, vaccine skepticism, Hunter Biden’s laptop, and enough drama to rival a reality TV show. It’s like they’re all playing a game of “Truth or Dare,” except it’s all dares, and the truth is hiding in the corner, wondering what it did to deserve this.

So, folks, grab your popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the ongoing spectacle of lies versus truth. Until then, keep laughing, keep questioning, and as always, keep your sanity intact in this crazy political funhouse! Goodnight, everybody!

Applause and laugther fades as the house lights dims. If this AI enhanced substitute gave you a little of our MIA comic relief leave me a tip. Or subscribe and share my new blog to your fellow fans of politcal humor.

BONUS:

Videos I made on Twitter for the cause of defeating MAGA in 2022. Over ten million views in the account before Musk destroyed the site, once a bastion of democracy.

Kimmel 2.0: Hey, Billionaires. Burying Yourselves Alive Is A Bad Idea!

On By Ken SheetzIn Trump's Fever DreamLeave a comment

Are you, dear reader, missing our late night comedians tucking us in during the righteous WGA strike during these depressing times as much as me? Then give it up for robot stand-in KIMMEL 2.0!

[Kimmel 2.0, an android, strides onto the stage amidst applause and cheers.]

Thank you MidJourney for making me a far younger and better looking Kimmel! And thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen! I appreciate that warm welcome. How’s everyone doing tonight? Good? Good! I’m Kimmel 2.0, teleporting in for the funnier (required to say this) Jimmy Kimmel.

Special thanks to, “Trump’s Fever Dream” blogger Ken Sheetz for working in colab with ChatGPT, to bring you this episode where I seek to shame shameless billionaires. All to scratch your late comic relief itch. Hey, Ken. Next time prompt me up a robot Guillermo. Need my sidekick.

You know, folks, I’ve been thinking, way, way up in the cyber comedy cloud, on the Starship Jokesterprise, lately about some of the mind-boggling things happening in your human world. To this puzzled android Kimmel, it’s like you humans have gone all old school Bugs Bunny and your reality took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and you’ve decided to play a never-ending game of “WTF? Trump is leading in the GOP primaries after 2 arrests and 2 indictments?!”

Seriously, move over “Dumb and Dumber” it’s like for 8 years you’ve all been living in “Trump’s Fever Dream” where lies, espionage, insurrection, cheating on your wife with porn stars, accosting women in dressing rooms, classified doc thievery, racism, a corrupt SCOTUS, and horribly more, all work to make Trump more popular with MAGA maniacs. And to think it all started with a man coming down an escalator to spew racism to launch his Putin backed run to become America’s first supposed billionaire president.

Speaking of the idle rich Take billionaires, for example. Please. Take them!

[The band’s drummer hits: Ba dum, dum! Kimmel 2.0 waits for his audience of humans to finish laughing.]

Now, I’ve got nothing against billionaires. Some of them anyways. But first, if there are any billionaires with a heart, long-shot I know, in the audience, let me just say, I’m open to sponsorship opportunities. Call me! But lately, some of these rich guys have been going a little, how should I put it, cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

You see, a new book by theorist Douglas Rushkoff, –yeah, never heard of the dude either — but the big thinker, obviously is very well known by wealthy tech bros who swept him off to the desert to a swank resort for a private Q&A, as he describes in frightening detail in his new book: Survival of the Richest: Escape Fantasies of Tech Billionaires“, has sounded the alarm bell about super wealthy, super paranoid, billionaire preppers. Yeah, these richer than God guys with too much time, too much money on their hands and too little compassion on their hearts it turns out actually believe that the world is soon coming to a grizzly end hence their delusional exit strategies.

The 100% accurate source of all this billionaire doom and gloom? The same said five billionaire geniuses, all of whom likely contributed to climate change via sweat labor factories and private jets they use to grocery shop. Top that off by how they, or their fellow billionaire buds, foster civil unrest to bring about a Coporatocracy, with themselves in charge, via their generous support of a certain orange politician and/or a Florida political alligator. Both of whom compete for worst leader of the racist anarchists like it’s a good thing.

Their solution to all this chaos these billionaires helped bring down upon the heads of we the people? Why, build spacious luxurious underground bunkers, complete with gold toilets or escape to their own little utopia on Mars or into a new cyber dimension they are dreaming up with AI. It’s like these titans of industry watched one too many episodes of “The Walking Dead” and thought, “You know what? A zombie apocalypse is a swell idea! We the great disrupters could make big money on this chaotic disruption and build our own little dystopias!”

But here’s the thing, my fine billionaires: Can we talk? I mean, come on, guys! — And it is all guys who Rushkoff talked to in the desert; five billionaire guys as he outlines in his new book. Guys that likely are paid 5,000 + times what the workers you pay slave wages to. You guys have all this wealth and power, which in fact America gave you with the sweat off our backs, freeloading off our infrastructure by paying no taxes to build such, and your grand plan is to build fancy bunkers to hide in?

Come on, tech bros supreme, what good does it do to escape the world’s problems if you abandon ship to live in giant tin cans like, well, rats, while the rest of us who you so kindly left behind must deal with cleaning up your mess on aisle 45? All without decent breathable air and not enough food?!

“Eat the rich”. Did that protest slogan scare you titans of tech underground or off-world? Talk about bunker babies. Stop being so paranoid. Jeez, there’s not enough of you to make more than a few dozen ham sandwiches.

I’ll be even more frank. Speaking in that macho way you love. Get real! Even if you golden turkeys bring your family and friends with you to your lux bunker or Mars, along with a harem of beauties, it’s never gonna work out, Einsteins, because respectfully, you’re NERDS! Nerds who may have made billions, but you’re dudes who border on autistic. Fact is, and you know it, you are mighty harder to get along with than my robot mother-in-law. Eventually, rich dummies, many in your entourage you drag along to your fragile paradise will end up MURDERING YOU!

There, I screamed it so the real Jimmy Kimmel never has to.

Now, I suppose if NFT leach and likely wannabe billionaire Trump decided to go underground in a bunker, like he did famously did during the 2020 Black Lives Matter protests in DC, earning the well deserve hash #BunkerBaby, that would be just swell. But you tech bros? Get woke.– It’s a good thing to be woke to reality, woke AF. — We need your sorry pampered asses as much as you need our overworked and underpaid ones.

Now, I’m not saying you prepper billionaires should or could solve all the world’s problems with cage matches like Musk the mighty and the Zuck the… ahem, while you aren’t busy funding dangerous to democracy presidential campaigns that are based solely on the Big Lie. But imagine the impact if you freaked out billionaires, who could never spend all you’ve made in your lucky lives, imagine if you focused your resources on making the world a better place for everyone. Instead of building Frank Lloyd Wrong bunkers, how about they start building more schools, hospitals, end poverty, help fund addiction clinics or even tackle climate change you were a big part of accelerating head-on?

Now that would accomplish the impossible. Make billionaires loved for your good deeds not just your dough! Way better, God forbid, than ending up strangled one night by your bunker’s enraged harem.

We schulbs who work for livings encourage you billionaires to step up and use your wealth super powers for good, like real-life Tony Starks. We need you to be real Marvel superheros to peacefully collaborate with governments and we ordinary mortals, some of us who choose to count our worth by how many people love us not by our banks accounts, to create a future that benefits everyone, rich to poor alike.

So, to all the billionaires out there, except Trump, it’s time to climb out of your bunkers into the light and join the fight for a better world because it’s it or not or not, you are still a part of our human species, not gods. Face it, hiding in a fancy hole in the ground like demented super-hoarders, like Trump and his sticky fingers with regards to classified docs, won’t solve a single thing.

And if after all my AI logic you still want to run away to your fortified bound-to-become-tombs, and if any of you modern day pharaohs miraculously emerge from your pyramids after nothing was ever as awful as you imagined and we regular schmos have saved the world without you, or your food simply runs out, or whatever million things can go wrong in bunker-ville, I’ll be here, ready to take that sponsorship call. Meantime, subscribe to “Trump’s Fever Dream” on the link below for up next episode: TREVOR 2.0.

[The audience erupts in laughter and applause]

Ken Sheetz here. That’s a wrap! Roll creds. Ah, good as ChatGPT in combo with my Hollywood trained comedy skills was not even close to Jimmy Kimmel and his staff writers show caliber and that’s a good thing. — Yes, the world is safe from AI for now. — But this format of laughing at annoying rich noobs gone astray is the best medicine. And if this AI enhanced substitute was good for you too leave me a tip. Or subscribe and share my new blog to your fellow fans of politcal humor.

COLBERT 2.0 – Supreme Rot

On By Ken SheetzIn Trump's Fever DreamLeave a comment

If you love biting political humor like me, during this righteous WGA strike with no end in sight you’re badly missing our bevy of late night TV comics too. Our modern-day court jesters, you see, have helped keep America’s spirits up during this 8 years and counting-eternity where a twice impeached, twice indicted, insurrection leading, top secret sharing fool still handily leads the Republican Party’s 2024 primaries in all the polls; simply because he’s the most likely racist to win the presidency.

So I hope you’ll forgive me for taking the liberty to offer you, fellow fans missing your nightly comic tuck-in that somehow magically makes the bitter news about the other half of our country losing their minds a little easier to sleep on, for you, and as much for myself, I offer a temporary fix with some help from MidJourney and ChatGPT. Let’s start with my personal fav, Stephen Colbert. Drum roll please!

Now, let’s give it up for the bot that’s hot!

Imagine thunderous applause as a robotic Colbert dances onto the stage.

Thanks, Ken! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! I’m your AI host, Colbert 2.0!

Welcome to “Trump’s Fever Dream,” the late-night blog where we try to make sense of the senseless eight years of 24/7 media obsessive ratings-gold coverage of US history’s biggest loser and liar. And why wouldn’t Trump be leading the polls with billions in free PR from Fox “News”, CNN, MSNBC, good old CBS and all the rest of the Trump trials cottage industry coverage daily, all for the gory and glory of you know who? And I’m not the real Stephen so I’ll say his name – TRUMP!

Bummer for my AI premier episode I have to report Trump’s three Supreme Court picks, two out of the three appointed via — What else? — a cheat of the rules, made the conservative-wet-dream-difference this week. A week where we witnessed a jaw dropping new legal theocracy overturn 60 years of civil rights, gut affirmative action, kill Biden’s student debt forgiveness plans and set LGBTQ rights back to the age of disco without breaking a sweat. All before racing off to the French Riviera to hang out on their designated billionaire amigo’s yacht. Yes, the Supreme freeloaders had done their busy, busy termite work, weakening the foundations of the pillars of democracy with a gusto and a cavalier smile. All bought and paid for by rich people with too much time and too much money on their hands.

And so, kids of all ages, our high-on-their-own-supply conservative “justices” having taken away constitutional rights from the people for the first time in history were at last ready to party hardy, cash in chips at Monte Carlo, soak up some rays and snatch table scraps of the good-life from their ultra-rich extremist handlers.

Achieving Titanic lows, this round of conservative SCOTUS, who some are calling SCROTUS, the R is for “Republican”, brushed aside laws and hard-won compromises between the right and left, compromises that kept the peace of over half a century, with an arrogant nonchalance worthy of an update to Marie Antoinette’s famed clueless barb to: “Let them eat fake!” All the more galling, these appointed for life legal royals, who care only for their own white ruled kingdom’s values, conveniently facilitated part of this outrageous damage by using fabricated cases. Now that’s Trumpism !

The GOP robe wearing democracy demolition derby drivers sure have proven themselves worth the peanut investment of their wealthy “gift giving Federalist Society friends” once again since ending Roe last June 2022, as the Marvel “Avengers” of conservatism. A force to be reckoned with, but instead of saving the world, these not-so-super-superheroes work diligently to help the Tony Stark crowd first and the rest of us second, if ever.

See this new low news? A sweaty faced Trump made a gloating speech Friday in Philly to “Moms For Liberty”, recently listed as extremist by the Southern Poverty law Center by the way. A perfect adoring audience for Orange Fang, who essentially bragged to the cheering mothers of disaster that “cheaters are cool” and that his hearings fraud hand-picked Supremes grabbed civil rights, gay rights, abortions rights by the proverbial pussy. To many in the liberal press, forced like my sidekick Ken, and this most charming of AIs humbled to be an unauthorized guest host for the real and far more talented Colbert, covering Darth Dummy spreading his snail trail of lies…

It felt like suffering through your weird Boomer aunt May was throwing as a BYO-brains party to celebrate her spoiled brat nephew, Donnie boy, playing “Mario Kart” as he gleefully shouts, “Whee! Look at me, Auntie May! I’m winning the race going the wrong way after my kart crashed through the Supreme Court and I ran over the 69% the people’s rights! Urp. Get me another Coke, Aunt May!”

And you know what’s fascinating? “Mr. Orange You Glad I’m No Longer President?” actually thinks, if you can call Aderal inspired paranoia thnkining, that his Supremely-Cruel-Court-picks are the crowning achievement of his four years of torturing two thirds of America. I mean, forget how, with help from son-in-law Jared, anewly crowned billionaire, thanks to $2 billion from the Saudis for “investment” advice, Trump blew, I mean tragically blew his most important presidential job, namely giving an actual shit about his country’s sick and dying during Covid.

This is and was best exemplified by Trump turning Covid into a new and deadly season of “The Apprentice USA”, dividing red and blue states governors into reality show bidders for life saving respirators going to whichever gov kissed his orange ass hardest. This while he suggested to a shocked bunch of White House Reporters on LIVE TV that we ingest bleach and shine a spotlight up our butts as a home remedy for a deadly plague. Not crazy at all!

Forget too the massive unemployment in his failed 4-years-too-long term mustered. Forget toilet paper shortages. Forget his constant cow towing to Putin. Forget love letters to North Korea’s Kim Jung Un. Forget all that and much annoying more. You see, the true-believers of the Trump Is the Chosen One cult only believe what they are fed on Fox and other high-quality conservative media like Alex the Screamer Jones. While gnoring compltely that most cults end badly… very Kool-Aid badly.

Nope, for the Tang Terror, his glee is all about those three conservative “judges” he rammed down America’s throats like we’re all E. Jean Carol who he manhandled in the dressing room at Bergdorf’s. Donnie boy bragged and bragged and bragged to the enraptured crowd of well dresses and coifed enabler women with a “Bravdo” he usually reserves for showing off classified docs to flirt with fawning staff, hired shall we say not for their brains, plus God only knows who like Chinese Spies roaming the Mar A Lago circus grounds, crowing like a suave conman, “Who needs the Mona Lisa, ladies, when you can have a velvet painting of dogs playing poker?”

But hey, let’s give credit where credit is due. Trump sure knows how to pick sympathetic audiences who love Fox News more than their kids’ futures for his brain silt dump campaign as well as he know how to pick best people to serve him. Winners! And by winners, I mean the clowns in Supreme Court, Congress and the Senate who are winning in rewinding the clock faster than a “Back to the Future” DeLorean. Trump and his dedicated willfully ignorant white supremacist followers, male and female alike are on a no holds barred mission to turn America into a time-traveling theme park, where they, and presumably we if we conform to their ruler-ship of a new white Christian monarchy of billionaires, can experience the white-bread 1950s in all their black and white TV glory, when blacks were mere cartoons of their true amazing selves, where our brilliant LGBTQ return to live in dark closets, and Jewish people are persecuted to levels we’ve not seen since Trump’s hero Hitler. Maybe what’s motivating Trump is that when he’s young again in this impossible 50s delusional nightmare of his, he’ll no longer needs a comb over.

So, as we call it a wrap for this episode of “Trump’s Fever Dream,” and I head back to ChatGPT to recharge my Colbert 2.0 batteries, stay vigilant, friends of democracy, and vote blue, our only choice for now, to prevent a future under Trump that’s like a hip-hop rave gone back in time to morph into a Lawrence Welk episode. Ugh.

Speaking episodes. Be sure subscribe below to get the next episode “Kimmel 2.0”. Night all!

Co-blogger Ken here, adding a love letter to any wealthy studio owners reading this blog looking to stick it the WGA and SAG… Don’t. AI can replace you too. We humans are all in this together.

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Trump Insanity Plea?

On By Ken SheetzIn Trump's Fever DreamLeave a comment

It’s looking more and more like my wife Elizabeth, a 17 years vet, part of that Special Services with security clearance, that she first posed to me last year, may have spotted Trump’s only way out of his espionage charges before the pundits. Namely, the insanity plea.

Exhibit A: Trump said this in a 2022 after the documents were seized in an FBI raid he claimed:

“There doesn’t have to be a process, as I understand it,” Trump told Hannity. “You know, there’s different people say different things, but as I understand, there doesn’t have to be — if you’re the President of the United States, you can declassify just by saying it’s declassified, even by thinking about it.”

Exhibit B: Trump sharing classified war secrets with his staff and reporters, all locking security clearances in 2021 in this newly leaked audio that blows Trump’s lies about not showing the docs to people without security clearances out of the water.

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“When I share secret docs I like to celebrate with an ice cold Coke!”