Blogger Ken Sheetz here. What a time for a WGA strike! How we’d all love to hear from our beloved late night comics about Trump’s Big Indictment today after the 7 years they’ve been keeping us all sane. So as a poor subsititute using ChatGTP I am proud to present Colbert 2.0!
A android version of Colbert takes the Trump’s Fever Dream stage to the wild applause of the crowd.
Thanks, Ken! I’ll do my best Stephen homage on this historic occasion! Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your sides, because because hopefully-forever-former President Donald J. Trump is facing more charges than a shopping spree at Bed Bath & Beyond!
According to special counsel Jack Smith, Trump’s alleged master plan was to defraud the entire country he used to lead and seeks to once again. Forget about international espionage; Trump went for the big leagues—conspiring to make himself king of America! Move over, James Bond, we’ve got a new supervillain in town!
And the cherry on top of Trump’s farcical cake? He tried to overturn the legitimate results of the 2020 presidential election with a wild mix of lies and buffoonery! Who needs reality TV when you’ve got Trump and his team of clownish Machiavellis trying to rig an election? This is a three ring indictment circus!
I mean, seriously, folks, Orange-You-Glad-I’m-No-Longer-President couldn’t accept defeat, so he hatched a plan to use “dishonesty, fraud, and deceit” to obstruct the electoral vote process.
Now, this is a historic moment for our nation, and not the good kind. It’s the first time a former president is facing criminal charges for trying to mess with the very foundation of our democracy. Move over, history books, we’ve got a new chapter that’s both ridiculous and embarrassing.
Trump fans, and there are still amazingly millions of you, this is your final exit ramp announcement. Walk away from the crashed Orange clown car and rejoin the real world.
Somehow our democracy’s guardrails held up, and Joe Biden got the keys to the White House. Trump’s plan to stage the “Great Election Heist” was an epic fail like most things he does. It’s like watching Wile E. Coyote try to catch the Road Runner, but instead of anvils, he’s got a Dominon voting dropped on his head!
And the cast of characters in this political sitcom is top-notch! White House aides like the Kraken and the Borat star Giuliani and sucked in staff testifying left and right, like it’s a soap opera. “As the White House Turns” has got nothing on this!
Now, Trump’s facing not one, not two, but three criminal conspiracies! The only thing missing is a catchy theme song! Imagine him strutting into court like a peacock, claiming he’s innocent because he’s “The Art of the Deal” personified!
One of the charges is “against the right to vote and to have that vote counted.” Wow, that’s like a supervillain trying to destroy the Justice League! You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re charged with crimes against democracy.
But Trump isn’t backing down; he’s crying “witch hunt” like a kid caught stealing candy from the cookie jar. And he’s asking why they waited so long to go after him. Maybe they were just enjoying the comedic value of his post-presidential shenanigans! Maybe it was such an tangled mess it took this long this long to sort out the puzzle. But it sure as hell was not because Trump’s tiny hands are clean.
Let’s not forget the real heroes of this story—those brave law enforcement officers who defended the Capitol on January 6th. They deserve a medal for dealing with the craziness that day. People died because one man became the worst sport in American history.
Will justice be served with a side of satire? Stay tuned! I’m Colbert 2.0 in colab with Ken Sheetz for Trumps Fever Dream! Time to wake up, everybody!
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