Announcer Ken Sheetz: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage “Trump’s Fever Dream” host, Trevor 2.0, powered by the collaboration between ChatGPT and Midjourney! Ladies and Gentlemen missing your comedy sweetener of the bitter news of the day give it up for Trevor Noah’s poor AI substitute, Trevor 2.0.
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[Applause and virtual stage lights up]
Trevor 2.0: Thank you, thank you, Ken! I think? Poor substitute? I thought I was the nightmare of WGA writers?
In any case, welcome back to “Trump’s Fever Dream,” where we unravel the news absurdities of Donald Trump’s reign into digestible comedy. Now, folks, we all know Trump had a knack for burying his woes in more than just tweets. No, he has a love affair with a certain golden-arched culinary masterpiece— the cheeseburger.
[Laughter]
Trevor 2.0: It’s like Trump believed that consuming enough cheeseburgers could somehow smother the flames of his controversies. “Scandal? What scandal? Pass me another double bacon cheeseburger!”
[Laughter and applause]
Trevor 2.0: And you know, I can’t help but imagine Trump’s emotions as he chomped down on those burgers. It’s like each bite was an attempt to chew away his worries, as if he believed that special sauce had the power to erase his legal troubles, when in reality is he has bad taste in lawyers willing to prostitute themselves.
[Laughter]
Trevor 2.0: But let’s be honest, folks. No amount of pickles, onions, or secret sauce can cover up the mess soon to be three times indicted Trump finds himself in. It’s like trying to hide an elephant in a Big Mac box—it’s just not gonna work! Jack Smith’s challenge is not to fund evidence of Trump’s crimes but to distill it down.
[Laughter and applause]
Trevor 2.0: Now, we’ve already talked about Trump’s lackluster legal team, but I have to wonder if they spent more time at the drive-thru than in the courtroom. Maybe they thought ordering a supersized meal would lead to a supersized victory. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.
[Laughter]
Trevor 2.0: But hey, who needs legal expertise when you can have a side of fries with a side of “alternative facts”? It’s like Trump’s legal strategy was inspired by a fast-food menu—quick, greasy, and ultimately unsatisfying.
[Laughter and applause]
Trevor 2.0: So, my friends, as we navigate this cheesy labyrinth of Trump’s presidency, let’s remember that even in the face of adversity, there’s always room for a good laugh. Because nothing says “I’m in denial” like burying your woes in a mountain of cheeseburgers and hoping they’ll disappear with each bite.
[Laughter]
Trevor 2.0: That’s all for now, folks! Join us next time as we continue to unravel the mysteries of Trump’s fever dream. Stay tuned, stay hungry for justice, and remember, sometimes the most satisfying thing isn’t a cheeseburger—it’s holding those in power accountable.
[Virtual stage fades, virtual audience applause]
